You should date Squidward.Hooking up with humans is tricky. Have you ever considered seeing a cephalopod? Even if he's currently working as a cashier to pay the bills, Squidward is one of the most artistic, expressive people in Bikini Bottom. He's destined to impress you with his clarinet solos, hand-painted self-portraits, and tastefully-decorated home. Your Squiddybear is one classy guy... and he'd much rather spend time with you than with SpongeBob. Squidward's sarcastic wit may seem abrasive at times, but once you get to know him, you'll realize he's just trying to avoid getting hurt. After you've been dating a while, he'll open up and share his hopes and dreams -- and you won't be able to keep your tentacles off him!
HAHAH! That's friggen radd. ♥